Top Ten Ways to tell if you are from the Wannabi (want to be) Clan
By Dr. Coyote (borrowed and adapted from an earlier posting)
10. You were born white but just realized that there was a possibility that you are native, you just don't know what tribe, and so you joined AIM or you know you are native because of your cheekbones or feel it in your soul. And dang I just enjoy buffalo burgers or jerky so I must be….
9. You think Russell Means is a god, and he can do no wrong, or support Leonard even though you are not quite sure if he is innocent or guilty or what exactly the particulars are of that case?
8. You think Fry Bread is traditional food and smoking a cigarette or using commercial tobacco outside your tipi/tent counts as a prayer.
7. Protesting for Indian rights (doesn't matter what tribe) means a sit in or holding a sign while trying to wear your new ribbon shirt you bought from the white guy at the local "trading post". Well only if it fits in your schedule and you happen to be in the area (within a 10 minute drive and there is free parking)
6. You go to the local Indian bar and buy the ndns drinks cuz you want to talk about their customs and "culture” and sing pow wow songs like the old times and just hang with the skins, but cant stand the idea of a warm tall bud at 10 AM on the side of the road after sawing up firewood or being up all night hunting or fishing
5. You try to date an ndn girl but you decide she's too round and rugged for your tastes (and her name wasn’t Running Deer) and her hair wasn’t jet black anyway and it was short so you decide to date the hippie wannabes with the hemp jewelry and long hair instead, plus she has a dog that is part wolf and your think you are wolf clan ennit.
4. You get the pre-requisite tribal tattoo placed where everyone can see it, so they can ask you what tribe you are, but no one ever does OR your car is carefully calculated to look “NDN” (i.e. dream catchers or safety pin headdresses on the mirror or bumper stickers bought from a vendor at a pow wow) OR the more tacky beadwork the better and you wear your hair long for no particular reason and braid it because it looks cool, and hey doesn’t the smell of burning sage in your clothes make you smell Indian?
3. You find your beadwork for your regalia in a pawnshop and proudly wear it at every powwow not knowing that everyone who is a serious powwow person knows where you got it from and you've only been to contest powwows and no traditional powwows because they don't run them on time and every one shows up late. (ndn time) Besides going to every Pow Wow in every small town is what it really means to be on the red road right? Traditional ceremony, isn’t that a pow wow?
2. You had a vision or sweat and found out you were Indian all along but just separated from the people and need to reconnect with the blood…What live on a reservation(or urban relocation area) with no electricity and get paid $9 an hour if you can find a job , commodity cheese what is that? Get all my health care from the IHS Clinic????
And the Number 1 way to tell if you are from the Wannabi (want to be) Clan DRUMROLL…
1. You use phrases like ennit and NDN cause you are a true skin and you are easily offended and whine about this post because while some of it is true about others….HEY, who in the hell does that Dr. Coyote thinks he is judging me as a Native if he ain’t walked in my moccasins…
(just laugh!)